Saying Goodbye

How does one say goodbye?

How do you let go of something that has been so precious to you for so long? How do you feel to have something so close to you and now it's not there? A part of you that's now missing. Empty, blank.

I wished I had a good answer for that. I really don't know....but I knew I had to and I did.

For once I was honest...laid it all out there and so did he. Finally I understood. The things we do, and why we do it, are to protect ourselves. We are not good for each other at this time. So we had to say goodbye. I had to say goodbye. I needed to do that. I know I did. I have to move on. I have to stop hoping that things will be better. I have to think of myself first. Even though my heart really don't want to.

At this moment... I don't know how to feel. Maybe I'm not trying to feel. Maybe I'm just inoring it.

There was closure. No hard feelings. Mature.

And now...I just have to ride out the pain of loss. A sense of grief. With a forward looking goal and hope that things will be better. With faith that things happen for a reason.

This all, however, does not change the fact that I love him and will miss him. I would not change the good times that we had.

So,
Thanks M,
for you

Understanding Me

These past week or two...I've been overly stressed. Work stress, people stress, misunderstanding etc... At this moment, I don't know how to truly express myself but I found a poem that expresses it all...

If you should try
to understand me
through the eyes
of your experiences
your only understanding
will be misunderstanding...

For we have walked different paths
and have known different fears
and that which brings you laughter
just might bring me tears.

So if you can learn
to accept me
and the strange thingsI say and do,
Maybe through your acceptance
you will gain understanding.

Rumble Rumble Earthquake!

Haha...who would have thought that there'll be earthquake here in Hawaii?.....

Sunday Oct,15 2006
7.07am, 6.6 magnitude
7.14 am, 5.8 magnitude
After 10.30 am.... a series of 55 aftershocks.
Power was cut off.... for more than 12 hrs.

Me:
Hhmmmm...the bed is swaying....(peeping out of blanket)..not really...I think the room is swaying... (heard the growling of the earth..just like the movies). Nope...I think it's an earthquake..HHmmm..interesting. (close back eyes and hid under blanket again)
(In my mind...it's not as bad as the earthquake I felt in taipei many years ago...when..at that time I thought there was a ghost in the hotel room!)

Few minutes later.....
ahhh....the building is swaying again. Fun!! (peep out of blanket again).. Feels like being in a cradle..haha. Back and forth..back and forth.

Puff....electricity went off...NOOO...I wonder how long it'll stay off..
I realized how dependent I was to electricity...no tv, no radio (forgot to stock up on batteries), no internet, no hot water or food, cell phone's dying (stupid me..forgot to charge batt)....AHHHHH WHAT TO DO???? - ended up reading and playing board games

9 pm: Puff...YAAYYYYY Electricity's back!

Promises....Words of Wisdom

"Promises are the bricks of life and trust is the mortar. We build nothing in life if we make no promises, and we tear down what others have built if we make them and break them."

Quote taken from: Emperor of Ocean Park by Stephen L. Carter

Here's a SHOUT OUT to you SU GIM!!!

GOH SU GIM.....or better known as "Uncle" Goh....or "Uncle" Su....or "Uncle" Gim, whichever you fancy...made a comment that I didn't write or mention anything else in my blog except for furry pets, my life, some friends or my roomate..(duh..that's who and what I live with!!)

SO I guess I have to mention him right?

Don't feel left out just because I have not mention you before

Great guy and friend....want a drinking buddy...here he is. Just be careful when he drinks too much Golden Draake and Chimays!!

Love you LOTSSS!! haha

My Stored Life is FOUND!!!!

I guess sometimes patience does pay off!!!

Thanking all the angels above and on ground......

My lost external hard drive....IS FOUND!!

Thanks Earllyn.....

TM's Birthday

Some pics from Ding Jr's 23rd birthday!!

The Malaysian gang at Sorabol Got slammed into the cake! Kindda...

Ding Sr. and Ding Jr.

Joe, Denesia and I

Hippos Go Beserk!!

I absolutely love this poem.....first heard it on an episode of E.R when a doctor recited this to her baby over the phone to before saying good night.

This is longer version of it.

One hippo all alone

calls two hippos on the phone

three hippos at the door

bring along another four

five hippos come overdressed

six hippos show up with a guest

seven hippos arrive in a sack

eight hippos sneak in the back

nine hippos come to work

ALL THE HIPPOS GO BESERK!

All through the hippo night

hippos play with great delight

but at the hippos break of day

the hippos all must go away

nine hippos and a beast

join eight hippos riding east

while seven hippos moving west

leave six hippos quite distressed

five hippos then set forth

with four hippos headed north

three hippos say good day

the last two hippos go their way

one hippo alone once more

misses the other forty four.

Puberty...2nd time around

Ahh....pimple and acnes. AGAIN!

Actually they are kindda gone now....But it wasn't like this a few months ago. I got so freaked that I tried on everything...Proactive, Murad etc and even took evening primrose oil..trying to balance out my hormones (though I don't know why my hormones would be raging) Whatever it is, something worked...just don't know which one. Though I strongly believe it's the evening primrose.

Roommate-Su is going through the same thing. Felt bad for her cos she's always had flawless skin. Funny how her acne is only on her forehead. Lucky for her...she has a fringe to cover it up. Maybe if she listen to me and take the evening primrose oil.......just maybe..

GO EVENING PRIMROSE OIL!!!!

My Little Monkey

Tot everyone would like to see what my "crossbreed" cat look like.

Here's Pepper and she's a monkey!

Sometimes she can be a dog. No kidding...she can totally act like one!

And the other cat nudging at her...that's Chloe...the pissy and poopy cat.

Deny, Deny, Deny

DENIAL

Sometimes I think I do that very well! Actually people have actually said that I do. According to my roommate...it's a "goat" thing.

We deny that we're tired. We deny we're scared. We deny how badly we want to succeed in life. We deny we're in pain..

Most importantly, we deny that we're in denial!

We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe...and it works..up to a point. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth anymore.

The scary part: Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, scared and denying it all does not change the truth.

The one thing that we can hope for - that reality will come to us like a gentle stream of water and not a burst dam!

L'Uraku

Had always wanted to try this restaurant - L'Uraku, a Euro-japanese restaurant. Lucky me..I had a business meeting there. Haha...all paid for lunch. Ambiance was kindda nice....deco was adorable with ceilings filled with inverted umbrellas. They are known for their seafood dishes. Wouldn't mind going there again!

The Poop and Pee Inducer!

Su: "Ahhhh.....hahaha....Chloe just pooped!!"
Me: "Where? What happened?"
Su: "Hahaha.....You won't believe it. She pooped on the balcony. I don't know what happened but she just pooped when I walked up to her"
Me: "What do you mean she just pooped?? What did you do?"
Su: "Nothing! I was chasing her"

Few Days Later.......

Su: "Ahhhhh...Looooookkkkk!!!!"
Me: "What??..."
( I turned and saw Su holding Chloe by the back of her neck and Chloe is peeing on her and the dining table)
Su: "She is peeing and its a lot!!!"
Me: "Hahahaha. What happened"
Su: "I don't know. I just went up to her and she just started peeing!"

Point that I am trying to make: I just figured out that my room mate is a poop and pee laxative for my cats

One arrives while the other leaves...

Two days ago, Matt told me about his neighbor passing away while giving birth. Ironic isn't it, how a beautiful event is marred by such tragedy.
Is this how mother nature balances itself out? A person dies...and in its place comes a birth? It is even more humbling when one loses her life while giving one. The risks women take.

The love of a mother.

The King & 1

If someone were to ask if there's a king in your life, what would your answer be?
Haha....I actually would say that there is! and his name is King. Here's Matt's dog King and I

Seize the Day

"Never leave till tomorrow which you could do today" – Benjamin Franklin

Procrastination…why do we keep putting things off? Why do we not want to know?

Answer: Fear.

Fear of Failure. Fear of Rejection. Fear of Pain. Whatever it is that we’re afraid of, one thing holds true. There will come a point when the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it.

Sometimes the knowing is better than the wondering, that the waking is better than the sleeping. Even the biggest failure beats the hell out of never trying.

Life stored in a Box

It's interesting how we become so dependent on technology......our whole life stored in a computer. We wake up and the first thing we need to do is to check our email....communicate through email..Internet..Our whole life as a soft copy.

I did not know how much my life was a soft copy until I lost my external hard drive a few days ago! I used it to back up my stuff from the computer because I needed to clean my computer up. Never had a chance to put the info back and now everything that's important to me is gone. Important docs, pictures ( all of them - this is what happen when you get a digital camera and not print them out), university reports & thesis, recommendation letters, music etc..... My whole life flashed before my eyes...lost in a minute.

Communication

Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life.

Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say.

Or how to ask for what we really need.

10-year Anniversary

When people say time passes fast...they really do mean it!

I can't believe it's been 10 years since I graduated high school! Wow..I still remember the end of high school....all excited, all full of hope...or just glad we'll be done wearing uniforms! All geared up for what's out there. Waiting to get into college and finally leaving bounded grounds. For a few of us...it's the excitement of leaving home...preparing to leave for foreign land. It all boils down to finding and making one's own life. Making it on our own.

Which begs the question...what have I done with my life since then? What have I achieve? Have I gotten to achieve all the goals I set for myself? It's funny how goals tend to change while you're living your life. What's important then doesn't seem so important after all now. We had timelines...I had timelines..graduate by 21....get a good job and be successful by 25...maybe married by 26...hahah...something like that. Life doesn't work with a timeline..they don't want to succumb to it. Life tend to have a mind of its own. Now that I'm 27....I still think I am young...I still have plenty of time...but yet...I feel old. Weird huh?

To further stomp on the fact that it's been 10 years....I get an invitation for my high school class 10-year reunion! Wonder what everyone's like now...how everyone's life turned out to be. I hope to go but since I am so far out here in some random islands in the middle of the Pacific..I am not sure I'll be able to make it. Do I wanna make it?

My First Blog..ever..

First Blog ever written by me....taken from Friendster's Blog..

First Post-First Thought-Luna Pieno

Never started a blog before….actually I never had a reason to. Not that I really have a solid one right now either. It seems very much like writing a diary. Was never really good at that too. Like everything new in life…we’ve got to try it to see how it is. Hopefully this will allow my friends to get to know me a little better and in that process, maybe I’ll learn more about myself too.

Thought I’ll start by telling you guys about one of my favorite things. I have this “thing” for the moon. Especially the FULL MOON! I thought of writing this as yesterday was the biggest full moon of the year here in Hawaii. It’s not like I turn into a crazy person or a werewolf. That’ll be interesting though. Though I have a friend that some of my other friends call the “wereman”. He only seems to show up during the full moon. If not…I hardly see him.

People have always asked me whether I prefer the sunrise or the sunset. I’ve never really liked either. Love the moon though. I guess it’s also the fact that I love the night - people are at their most peaceful, calm after a chaotic day. Quiet. Alone. In tune with oneself. Honest. Unlike the sun, the moon does not show itself everyday at its fullest. It peeks at you, just enough to let you know its there. It leaves you in the dark….but gives you just enough light to find your way. Once in a while, it’ll come out at its fullest and brightest to let you know that it’s more than just the moon. It gives hope...that one can shine just bright as the sun given the right time.

This could all be just an analogy……it could be about someone, something, some situation or some feeling. In all, the moon to me is a symbol – a symbol of hope. Try looking at the moon the next time, and see what you think.