Saying Goodbye

How does one say goodbye?

How do you let go of something that has been so precious to you for so long? How do you feel to have something so close to you and now it's not there? A part of you that's now missing. Empty, blank.

I wished I had a good answer for that. I really don't know....but I knew I had to and I did.

For once I was honest...laid it all out there and so did he. Finally I understood. The things we do, and why we do it, are to protect ourselves. We are not good for each other at this time. So we had to say goodbye. I had to say goodbye. I needed to do that. I know I did. I have to move on. I have to stop hoping that things will be better. I have to think of myself first. Even though my heart really don't want to.

At this moment... I don't know how to feel. Maybe I'm not trying to feel. Maybe I'm just inoring it.

There was closure. No hard feelings. Mature.

And now...I just have to ride out the pain of loss. A sense of grief. With a forward looking goal and hope that things will be better. With faith that things happen for a reason.

This all, however, does not change the fact that I love him and will miss him. I would not change the good times that we had.

So,
Thanks M,
for you

Understanding Me

These past week or two...I've been overly stressed. Work stress, people stress, misunderstanding etc... At this moment, I don't know how to truly express myself but I found a poem that expresses it all...

If you should try
to understand me
through the eyes
of your experiences
your only understanding
will be misunderstanding...

For we have walked different paths
and have known different fears
and that which brings you laughter
just might bring me tears.

So if you can learn
to accept me
and the strange thingsI say and do,
Maybe through your acceptance
you will gain understanding.

Rumble Rumble Earthquake!

Haha...who would have thought that there'll be earthquake here in Hawaii?.....

Sunday Oct,15 2006
7.07am, 6.6 magnitude
7.14 am, 5.8 magnitude
After 10.30 am.... a series of 55 aftershocks.
Power was cut off.... for more than 12 hrs.

Me:
Hhmmmm...the bed is swaying....(peeping out of blanket)..not really...I think the room is swaying... (heard the growling of the earth..just like the movies). Nope...I think it's an earthquake..HHmmm..interesting. (close back eyes and hid under blanket again)
(In my mind...it's not as bad as the earthquake I felt in taipei many years ago...when..at that time I thought there was a ghost in the hotel room!)

Few minutes later.....
ahhh....the building is swaying again. Fun!! (peep out of blanket again).. Feels like being in a cradle..haha. Back and forth..back and forth.

Puff....electricity went off...NOOO...I wonder how long it'll stay off..
I realized how dependent I was to electricity...no tv, no radio (forgot to stock up on batteries), no internet, no hot water or food, cell phone's dying (stupid me..forgot to charge batt)....AHHHHH WHAT TO DO???? - ended up reading and playing board games

9 pm: Puff...YAAYYYYY Electricity's back!